The Apple Haters’ 7 Stages of Grief [Humour]


I think we’ve all seen this before when talking about Apple with the haters. Posted by Farley (via The Loop):

The Apple haters’ stages of grief go something like this:

  1. Predict failure of new Apple product
  2. Attribute early success of new Apple product to rabid fanbois affected by the reality distortion field
  3. Attribute longer term success of product to stupidity of consumers
  4. Purchase previously scorned product for stupid relatives so they stop bothering you to help support the open source version of Apple product sold by Super Lucky Technology Extreme Inc. that you convinced them to buy
  5. Purchase previously scorned product for yourself just to see what all the fuss is about
  6. Admit that you now own and use the product, but complain about the product’s lack of SD card slot on random Internet forum
  7. Forget prior criticism of product, claim that it was revolutionary and an example of how Apple used to be really innovative, but has now lost its edge.

This is too damn funny. Do you know anyone like this?



  • Jeve Stobs

    What a stupid post.

  • G

    The above post by Jeve Stobs was funnier than that moronic article

  • Mike

    I own 2 iPads, 2 iPhones, 2 MacBook pros and an Apple TV between my wife and I. All I have to say is you’re an idiot believing this stupid blog post in thinking people are only in denial. There is a world outside of APPLE you nimbucils. Many of the products are great as well and people ARE getting tired of all the “apple is nothing but always awesome” cheer because its so damn false. Apple products are ripped with their own problems.

  • Kk

    Hahaha how butt hurt people are over a post that was just for joking around….must be android
    Users ahahahahah

  • Acer12345

    Nothing is perfect, not even Apple. Nor Android. And not Windows 8 either.

  • other

    I dont hate apple because of their inferior products. I hate apple because of who they are

  • Asterix

    No, I don’t. But I do know somebody that used to be a huge apple fan, only to be slowly but surely let down by the lack of ‘inovation’ in their product. The past couple of years, all they do is re-relase the same products with very minor updates, ignoring the requests from the vast majority of their users. On the other hand, Android systems seem to advance at a very fast pace with inovations that change the way phones and tablets are used on a day by day basis.

  • Mark

    The topic had the potential to be humerous, but I’ve never seen anyone try SO hard to be funny… and fail SO badly. Were there ever even actual “stages”. I’m still trying to decipher #4. Actually – no I’m not. This is just stupid.

  • Nick

    I’m proud that you’re admitting that about your post. It takes a big man to admit their stupidity. That said, I figured a fandroid would find their way here to stomp their feet and try and show their “superiority”.

    Funnily enough this post perfectly describes a person who ranted against the iPad mini on IGN’s board.

    The fact that people get up in arms about this kind of post, but find all ANTI apple posts hilarious is, well, typical. Of course apple isn’t the only option, nor is it the best for everyone, but if something that was attempting to be satirical didn’t stereotype to some degree, it would be long, boring and even more trite, like a Joy of Tech comic.

    Comedians focus on exaggerated ideas that aren’t exactly as life is portrayed. Just like the “s*** Apple Fans Say” wasn’t a portrayal of every Apple person out there, this is the same.

    At least most of us who are primarily Apple users can make fun of ourselves, versus the Android population who seem to be unable to resist commenting on any Apple related news item, bashing how stupid and brainless the iSheep are. Go to ign, Engadget or any other large tech news source and compare Apple post comments versus Android or other post comments. You’ll find Android posts are almost completely filled with Android supporters, but every Apple post will be overrun by Anti-Apple, Pro-Android/Whatever haters that do nothing but call anyone buying an Apple product a moron, pointing out how superior they are by NOT being dumb enough to buy anything from Apple. It happens every single time, not a single post about anything apple related will be free of an overrun of Apple haters, but almost every non-Apple post IS free of Apple “Sheep”.

    Seems that we don’t feel the need to debase the various products produced by anyone other than Apple, yet everyone else feels it is their duty to post about how stupid Apple is, how dumb people are for buying their products, how worthless everything Apple makes ends up being and how much better their products are.

  • Well put.
    Silly Android sheep can’t help themselves, they’re drawn to Apple articles like moths to the light.

  • Cal

    here here…. just not funny. certainly not worth reading again to decipher meaning.

  • crapplesux

    Funny how Crapple lovers refer to fandroids as butthurt haters when stupid trying to be funny articles like this show up on flipboard. They call us insecure when they write articles like this. Hypocrites.

  • xxxJDxxx

    Its starting to seem like there are more fandroids commenting on this forum than there are iPhone users. I always found it odd how fandroids go out of their way to hate on Apple products. I guess all the Apple users are just busy contently using their products for their purpose rather than debating on a forum which phone is better while their phone sits beside them silently….

  • xxxJDxxx

    Amen. I’ve notice this MANY times and I think it comes down to one simple thing; Jealousy.

  • Jeve Stobs

    Actually, I have been a lifelong Apple fan, and have never purchased anything Android. I simply don’t think this was funny, and that it was a waste of time reading. Mostly due to the fact that I couldn’t care less about the Apple/Android feud. But thank you for that over-analytical, presumptuous, and accusatory reply you wrote me. Asshole.

  • Nick

    I prefer asshat or douchebag, if its all the same to you.

    And just so you know, I did not find this that smart or funny, although it did have some valid points. I certainly overreact, and made an assumption about your feelings regarding Apple. For that, I do apologize. It was just a bad, close-minded fan droid filled day of listening to the endless negativity against everything apple, and you just happened to be caught in the crossfire.