Apple to Announce How It Will Spend Its $100B in Cash Tomorrow


Apple has announced it will hold a conference call tomorrow at 6AM PDT/9AM EDT to discuss what it will do with its almost $100 billion dollars in cash:

Apple Conference Call

WHAT: Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO, and Peter Oppenheimer, Apple’s CFO, will host a conference call to announce the outcome of the Company’s discussions concerning its cash balance. Apple® will not be providing an update on the current quarter nor will any topics be discussed other than cash.

WHERE: Via conference call. The dial-in number for press is (877) 616-0063 (toll-free) or (719) 219-0041. Please enter confirmation code 592016.

WHEN: Monday, March 19, 2012 at 6:00 a.m. PDT/9:00 a.m. EDT

Apple’s stock valuation currently makes it the largest company in the world, and its stock price is currently under the $600/share mark, which it finally touched last week.

How will Apple spend all its money? I have no idea. Maybe they’ll buy Canada.


  • WishFullThinking

    News Flash:  For everyone who bought an Apple product in the last 5yrs. You will receive a “Thank You for making us billions” Cheque. The amount is not known at this time. You should receive your cheque in 2-3 weeks time. 

    Also, has a bonus Apple will have a one day sale (50% off) All Apple products. 
    (Note: Apple will now only make 300% profit by slashing 50% off)

  • lol was thinking the same thing, only it would be determined by the amount of apple products you bought, or value. 

  • LOL

  • Ari

    Can I have some? I want to help the homeless in Vancouver and Victoria.

  • Slyrobber

    Now that Jobs is gone the greedy little vermin will come out and gnaw at the grain sacks.

  • tell them to go help themselves.

  • Ari

    You seem to be under the impression that most people on the street are just lazy or something. Many of them have psychological problem and are “self-medicating” themselves with drugs and alcohol. If it was as simple as them just “helping” themselves then they would not be on the street in the first place. They do have to take some initiative on their own part of course but you do seem to be bit naive about what the issues are with a homeless person reintegrating into society again.

  • youthinrevolt

    I couldn’t have put it better myself. your awesome!

  • Anon

    “100 billion in the bank.  Steve’s gone.  Hey lets give ourselves another round of huge bonuses!”

  • Anonymous

    “Maybe they’ll buy Canada.”